On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
