i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
