You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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