it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
