life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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