my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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