I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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