Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
