thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
