I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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