i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
