The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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