My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
