You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
