"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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