five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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