She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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