I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
