Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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