He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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