you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
