My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
