I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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