Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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