batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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