yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
