I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
