Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
