My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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