mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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