so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
