your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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