i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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