my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
