We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize