no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
