Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
