What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
