Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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