i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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