1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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