I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
