So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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