I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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