i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
