Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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