i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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