I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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