Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
