1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
