I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
