I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
