Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
