My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
