You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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