How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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