Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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