Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
