There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
