if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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