All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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