Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
