I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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