i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A bitchslap is in order.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
