Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
