Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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