i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
