Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
