Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
