1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
