Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
