You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
