problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
