someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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