new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize