I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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