the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
