I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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