you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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