How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
