Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
