I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
