i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
