Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
