I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
