i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
