somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
