He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
