have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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