I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
