dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
