Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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