I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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