i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize