you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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