lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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