I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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