OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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