small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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