Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
