I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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