I'm jealous of your bromance
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize