): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
