i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He passed out mid-signature
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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