dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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