So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You have to summon your inner elephant
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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