Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
