You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
