I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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