I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
