He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
