Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
